Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Melancholy

So I started to write this whole whiney post about how much everything sucks...but why bother? What good will it do to complain?

I'm just in a bad mood. I don't really have any reason to be, though. Can't I just be in a bad mood? Do I need a reason?

How can I bring myself out of it? I could read a book. But all that makes me think about is how it's not *my* book. So then I think about writing and I get discouraged because I don't think I'm ever going to finish anything and start down the road to getting published. Then I try to think about why I'm still trying to hold myself back? Just put it all out there and be done with it.

Then I get frustrated at home. Because I don't have time to read, or write...or go to the bathroom, for that matter. I look around and see a mess everywhere. Supper to be made, dishes to do, laundry piling up....kids to be entertained and loved. Why do I feel like I'm failing at everything all at once? I didn't used to think I was a bad mom (and I'm really not compared to a lot of people), but I've felt like one lately. I don't do fun things with my kids anymore. I yell at them to eat their supper and pick up their toys.

So do I just relax and let it all slide? Do I focus on one thing and forget the rest? How can I get my life in a balance I can live with? I think it used to be. I'm trying to pinpoint when things started to get out of hand and I'd like to attempt to fix it.

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