Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Dreams vs Reality

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I should be doing some really deep, soul searching thinking, but I'm not ready for that yet.

I mentioned in an early post, at the end of my maternity leave, how I didn't want to go back to work. I've been back for about a month and a half and it feels like I never left. And not in a good way.

There are people in life who know what they want to do and they make it happen. My BFF is something called a naturalist. She got a biology degree and she knew what she wanted to do. She worked hard and it took a couple tries, but she got there.

I think I always wanted to be a writer. My mom has one of those school memory books stuffed full of old report cards and spelling tests. The ones that ask you every year what you want to be when you grow up. I know I said I wanted to be an author. So I got a degree in agriculture. Because the writing thing always seemed like a pipe dream. 

But the more I've researched it, the more I've realized how freaking hard it is to be an author. A lot of people don't even get to quit their day jobs. So what the hell is the point? 

I'm so unhappy, though. Is it worth being totally miserable just to get a paycheck? When you have three kids to feed and a house to pay for, it certainly makes you think twice. 

What's a girl to do? Continue to pursue the dream? Even though I may never succeed at it? Keep on being miserable because I like money so much? I wish someone could answer these questions for me because all it does is give me a headache.

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