Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Thinking...

I don't think I'm lazy.

I got my first job right before I turned 16. I worked all through college. I worked some miscellaneous jobs until I found something permanent. 

That was almost 11 years ago.

Granted, that's not really deserving of any special recognition. My employer didn't think so, either, because I didn't even get an acknowledgement when I hit 10 years. At 5, I got a ring, so I felt pretty jipped.

Anyway, so now that I've worked this long, do I deserve a break? Especially if I'm miserable?

Before I go any further, I would like to acknowledge the fact that I do realize how many people are unemployed and would probably kill for my job. Even if it's crappy. Too bad unemployed people. The company just hired 3 new people in another office that have already set their sights on doing my job better than me.

My dream job is to write full time. I will write ALL THE BOOKS I've always wanted to write. I don't have an agent or anything (yet), so the dumbest thing I could do at this point is to quit just to write.

But do you have any idea how much money I would save on daycare?! And gas?! I wouldn't run to the grocery store every other lunch hour and binge but things I don't really need. And my house! Don't get me started on how clean my house would be.

Alas, I am still a farmer's wife. So we're in debt up to our ears because ground ain't cheap. And there's no special health insurance provided for the self-employed. Is there?! 

Despite all this, I want to quit. I want to give up the money and the benefits. I want to enjoy my kids instead of being too tired. I want to cook elaborate meals and vacuum every day. I want to be a room mother and pick my kids up from school...sometimes. The elementary school is 20 minutes away. The middle school (next year! Gasp!) is even further. I don't even care. I want to go to the park and not have to worry about going out on snow days. 

Am I asking for the moon? Probably...

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