Monday, June 2, 2014


Today was the first day of summer vacation for the 2 older kids. My first day home with all 3 of them, knowing it's not a weekend and I won't get a "break" in a few days. It's a little different for me. I'll be honest. It's going to be a struggle.

Here's the flat out truth. Some women will tell you they don't ever want to have kids. Hey, that's cool. I'm not judging. I have 3 and sometimes I wonder what I was thinking. But I'll be the first to admit (and I probably already have) that I'm not stay-at-home-mom material. I worked for 10+ years. I still feel like I should be working. I'm just not used to being with my kids 24/7. Some people thrive as SAHMs. Me...I struggle. I don't even consider myself a SAHM. You know how Facebook always wants you to update your information? Right now, I think mine says something like "not employed at this time" or something generic like that. I don't want to be classified as "unemployed"...even though I am, and probably will be for a while. And I don't feel like I want to be a SAHM. Not that it's a bad thing. I just don't feel like it fits me...even though that's what I'm doing. I don't know. Maybe I need to change my thinking.

Maybe if I change my thinking, things will be easier. Maybe I should just embrace it. If today was an indication of how the whole summer will be, it's going to be rough and something has to give. Maybe now I'm ready to go work at Pizza Hut.

Don't get me wrong. We had a few good moments today. I took them all to Wal-Mart this morning. Gah. That was a mistake. I will let the pantry go bare before I will take them all to the store again. I couldn't even get the list completed. Got the basics, a few special things to keep them quiet, and then we got out of there. Probably forgetting some of the important things.

I think part of the problem is that the older 2 are...just that, older. We went on a short creek walk this afternoon. I had to use the Moby for the baby and it was totally awkward and uncomfortable. So it's not really fair to the older 2. But it's not fair to baby either because she didn't have a good nap today. I could've used a good nap today.

But I tried...I tried so hard to be prepared for this. I looked at all the "summer fun activity" lists on Pinterest. I made up some rules and came up with some daily plans and contracts to try and insure good behavior. We didn't make it 1 day. I tried to set up limits on screen time. Psh. That didn't even make it thru the morning. Oh well. It's supposed to be about making memories, right? I guess if those memories are about spending all your waking moments on the iPad, then that's your choice...if only I could just get him to sit outside while he does it...

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